Some things I forgot to mention about my birth, my sisters were there too! Conny came to the hospital with us as soon as my water broke so she was there pretty much the whole time with a couple brief sleeping/outfit changing trips back home. Aurora had this huge garage sale planned the day I went into labor which she cancelled to come out and be with us in the hospital. She brought us a lovely bouquet of flowers and later (when I was allowed to eat) bought me a turkey sandwich and Sunchips which were the first things I had to eat after Charlie was born. Aurora’s boyfriend Gustavo also came along, but strategically left the room every time anything vagina-related occurred. They were all real troopers, especially considering how vocal/intense I became once the pushing stage drew nearer.
I am using the notes my mother took throughout the birth to quote the events/times somewhat accurately.
8:30pm Friday August 10th – I take one tablespoon castor oil with apple juice before going to bed
3:30am Saturday August 11th – Water breaks in bed, we call hospital, they tell us to come in.
4:30am – Drive to hospital with contractions 2-3 minutes apart
8am – McDonald’s breakfast order: 3 eggmcmuffins, 2 hashbrowns, OJ, LOTS OF SALSA AND KETCHUP
9:50am – Grandma calls and talks about WWII, quotes Churchill, “This is not the end of the beginning, it is the beginning of the end!”
1:15pm – Finally convinced to take a low dose of pitocin (2 units) which is later doubled as I show good progress with my contractions
6:30pm – After 5 hours of some of the most painful contractions ever, internal exam shows I am only 3cm so I ask enthusiastically for an epidural
6:50pm – Receive fentanyl pre-epidural “WHEW!!”
7pm – Receive epidural and experience a gradual wave of relief in my lower half until I don’t even notice my contractions anymore. Spinal catheter provides slow constant drip of medication and I am given a button I can press for extra every 15minutes if I need it (which I don’t actually use until later during the pushing stage, but then use as often as it will let me.) They also insert a urinary catheter, which is pretty typical after an epidural since you don’t experience the sensation of having to pee and I may not have had enough control of my legs to walk to the bathroom, I don’t even notice this being inserted because I am in totally painless epidural bliss. I finally get some rest.
10pm – Nurse Michael checks dilation, I am 6cm 90% effaced! YAY!! Gus, Conny, Rara, all go home to rest. Mom stretched out on the pull-out sofa, we drift in and out of sleep as I continue to dilate.
1am – I sit up in bed and my fetal monitors show a dramatic decline in Charlie’s heartbeat so the nurses rush in and say they have to do internal fetal monitoring (which I DID NOT WANT,) but as soon as they do they finally see that variability in Charlie’s heartbeat that they had been so concerned for before. Apparently he was fine the whole time, we just couldn’t read his reactivity through my belly. GOOD NEWS! Everyone is relieved.
1:10am – They check me again, I AM AT 9cm!! Feeling a LOT of pressure/pain in my perenium.
1:55am – I experience the urge to push (truthfully I was having this before, but was trying to hide it because I knew it wasn’t time to push yet.)
At this phase of my labor, I am experiencing what I have heard others describe as “an intense amount of pressure,” but that just doesn’t accurately describe the amount of pain that a HUGE BABY BODY COMING DOWN THROUGH YOUR VAGINA PRESSING UP AGAINST YOUR PERINEUM AND BUTT FEELS LIKE. I was scrrreeeaaaming about my butt for HOURS!
“OH GOD MY BUTT!” “MY BUTT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!” “OOOOOOOOOOOH MY POOR POOR BUTTTTTT”
My sisters LOVE retelling my birth story with an emphasis on this part. Any movement whatsoever felt like my butt was being ripped apart, and all I was hearing were a bevvy of nurses coaching me to “push!” Push through the pain! Push no matter how essential an intact butthole may be to my future successes.
“EVERYONE’S TELLING ME TO PUSH I FUCKING KNOW I HAVE TO PUSH, OKAY?!”
Apparently I gave them a really hard time and outright said “NO I’M NOT PUSHING” a bunch of times because the pain was too much. I started crying again and pleaded for someone to get me more medication because my epidural was not doing anything for the intense pain of the PRESSURE of birth. Eventually, an anesthetist came in and gave me a bit of extra epidural (more than my button was providing me with) and had me sit in a position to allow it to seep into my lower half. I was so relieved because I had been pushing for a good 3 hours before I experienced any pain relief, so as soon as I got it, I fell right asleep, complaining that the extra medication “WASN’T DOING ANYTHING!!!” and it was about 15 minutes after that that I was able to take deep breaths and push with every contraction as it came.
My mother and my nurses helped hold my legs (I was in a semi-upright position in the hospital bed and having my thighs held helped give me leverage to push as hard as I could with each contraction) and coach me through taking deep breaths and holding it so I could push 3 times with each contraction (1 to push him down, 2 to hold him there, 3 to move him forward.) They are relieved I am finally cooperating and I am relieved my butt doesn’t feel like it’s prolapsing anymore.
Now, it has been a very long time since I started pushing. A lot of women push for a half an hour to two hours, I was pushing for 4 and half hours. This was not good news for Charlie, his poor little head had been caught in my private parts for much longer than the doctors were comfortable with (and by the time he came out he had a nice cone-shaped head because of it.) So by the time I had been pushing for 4 hours a doctor came in and said we needed to start thinking about having some assistance in getting Charlie out.
“What do you mean, ‘assistance?'” I asked.
“Well, we have 3 options. You can push him out, which it looks like may not be happening as quickly as we’d like it to happen, we can assist a vaginal delivery with a vacuum extraction, or we can start thinking about a c-section.”
Mom and I look at each other like NO FUCKING WAY ARE WE VACUUM EXTRACTING THIS KID and NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING THROUGH A 25 HOUR LABOR TO HAVE A C SECTION. So my mom negotiates with him and says, “just give us another 30 minutes to push and then we can talk about other options. He agrees but goes to prep everything necessary for a c-section.
As soon as the doctor leaves my mom says, “Ashley you are going to get this baby out vaginally. Next time you have a contraction I want you to take an even bigger, deeper breath and push harder than you ever have before…” and I’m thinking YEAH RIGHT THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN DOING THE LAST FOUR HOURS!
But I humor her and really try to give it one last hoorah because I DO NOT WANT AN ASSISTED DELIVERY. So I’m pushing as hard as humanly possible with every single contraction as they come and after about 15 minutes I hear the nurses and my mom saying, “OH OH OH THAT’S A GOOD ONE, KEEP GOING OH GOD ASHLEY I SEE HIS HEAD!” and I’m like, “No fucking way.”
So of course, his head makes just a momentary appearance, disappears again, and I have another 10 minutes of seemingly unproductive contractions where I’m pushing so hard I think I’m going to pop a blood vessel. The doctor comes back in again to check on me while I’m having another contraction. I’m pushing, pushing, pushing and suddenly, there’s his head again.
“SHE’S REALLY CLOSE!” they tell the doctor.
“Oh my goodness, I’m not often wowed by how much progress someone has made but my goodness, Ashley you’re really doing this all on your own!”
…and I’m like (in my head) ‘Well yeah isn’t that how it’s SUPPOSED TO BE?!’
So I’m shouting and begging who-knows-who to “HELP ME!” “GET HIM OUT!” “PULL HIM OUT!” because I am at the apex of feeling that INTENSE pressure on my perineum and finally experiencing the “Ring Of Fire” every laboring woman talks about as Charlie’s head is making its way out.
“You don’t need help, you’re doing it! You’re probably just a couple pushes away!”
“FUCKING PULL HIM OUT OF ME!!” I’m screaming.
But sure enough, as I keep pushing as hard as I can (three pushes just isn’t enough anymore so I keep pushing a fourth, a fifth, a sixth time) and with every push a little bit more of him comes out. I’m screaming my head off as I feel his head come all the way out and then I know I probably only have one push left to get his body out, so I take another deep breath and push and I feel his whole entire body pass through me and they’re lifting me up and I feel the slick, soft warmth of his body being placed on my chest and it is the best feeling I have ever felt… and he is beyond any amount of cuteness I could have been prepared for… I barely notice the doctor telling me I have some minor tears he is going to stitch up for me as I’m meeting my son for the first time.
Mom takes a video of Charlie making his debut talky-talky wailing sounds up on my chest like he’s been waiting to tell me something for 10 months and you can see the doctor stitching me up and I don’t even flinch. I’m in love. A whole new kind of love I have never felt before and it feels way more natural than I ever expected it would feel and all my anxiety melts away and there is only Charlie. It’s like he has always been here.
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